Although I do have a teenager, he is and always has been the sitting down sort of kid. Happy to read, watch TV, play games and as he has got older that hasn't really changed at all. It got to the stage where I was kicking him out of the house to try and get him to do something other than sit down. He's sixteen now and to be fair, he plays rugby and goes out with his mates, with large periods of sitting down in between.
My other two sons are eight and six and there in lies my problem. R has just turned eight and he is sensible, trustworthy and honest and I could probably trust him to go out to play and know that he wouldn't wander to far away. L, on the other hand is nothing short of a liability. His immaturity and lack of common sense worry me and yes, he is only six, so I really do hope that it is his age. If I let R out to play, L will want to go, but whilst R would stay close, L would be wandering aimlessly off to God knows where and not give it a second thought.
Last summer was really difficult. There were two sets of children living near us and they were always out playing. In the holidays, they would be out from eight in the morning until nine at night, rain or shine. It used to worry me to be honest and the one family, had a little girl who was wandering around from the age of two, often without shoes and there is no way that her parents were watching her all the time.
The other set of children were 'interesting' to say the least. We used to call them 'the savages'. The parents used to row loudly and constantly and every other word began with an 'f'. The one son was the same age as R and the boys thought he was great. He used to come round to play here sometimes, but he was a bit of a nasty piece of work and I found it really hard as he was constantly ringing the bell and if I said the boys couldn't play, he would be hanging over the fence instead. They lived next door but one and they bought a trampoline, so then, he used to bounce on the trampoline shouting at the boys if they were in the garden. It was a nightmare, I felt like we couldn't get away from him and of course, because he was allowed to roam around, R was constantly asking why he wasn't allowed to go out. I used to say to him that he was too young and that if other parents let their children out at that age, that was up to them. Then I would see the disappointment in his little face and feel really guilty.
Fortunately, they moved out a few months ago and a nice family have moved in and they have two boys of similar ages to mine. As the nights are starting to open out again, I know it won't be long before R starts pleading again and I suppose that begrudgingly I may have to give in this year. But it is so hard. I know he is sensible and it seems quite safe around here, but I still feel that he is a bit young.
I was thinking back to when I was his age. I had a bike for my seventh birthday and it only took me a couple of months to master riding it and I used to head off with my rabbit; Snowy in the basket. Mum used to tell me to stay in the road where we lived, but I used to cycle all over the place and she never knew where I was. This reminder did not particularly help me with the decision I had to make. Children need routines and boundaries, but all children push those boundaries and curiosity of the world is a natural thing at that age.
We live in a dangerous world there is no doubt about that. Is it more dangerous than all those years ago when I was roaming the land with my trusty rabbit? In reality probably not. There are more cars on the road, that is true. The media has made us all more aware of the 'bad people' that there are around, but they were there when I was young, we just didn't here about it in the news all of the time.
I want to be able to reward my amazing son with some trust and independence but I am just not sure if I am ready just yet. Am I an over protective mummy? Maybe!
no your not overprotective, children of have no road sense at all, http://www.safekids.co.uk/what-age-do-children-have-enough-road-sense.html
ReplyDeletehaving said that we lived in a quiet street with a playpark round the back and my son was playing in there at that age, but he was also 6 when he was knocked down by a car ( most horrible feeling you will ever have), he got up and walked off, and the very next day was cycling down the middle of the road on his big sisters bike.
I feel they need to be allowed to play out safely, but safely has to be defined by where you live and how busy it was ( we lived on rougly 30ft stretch of road with a sharp bend at each end cleverly built to make it impossible for industrial traffic to drive along.
All I will say is I would not recommend asking your 8 yr old to take responsibility for the 6 year old cos if anything happens to younger one then the older one is left with the guilt
I have this problem too, my eldest is now 10, and my daughter will be 9 soon (youngest is 4 so deffinately a no go for him at the mo although he'd hate to be left alone )
ReplyDeleteLast year we moved house, having previosu lived in the middle no where with only fields and countryside my children all including the littlest spent most days outside, in the fields and woods surrounding our house, however moving to here, where there is no open spaces right next door, i have the same questions, initially i thought well their sensible kids, and i let them walk to the park - only 2 minutes away... i told them to stay there till i came to fetch them an hour or so after watching them go... hoewver my daughter kept running back and forth and not following my instructions so i decided against it, tbh last summer they were happy enough to go wth me to the park or over the fields but i'm very aware that they both are getting older and this year maybe they will want to go out again... on the plus side I know they are both sensible and they luckily have a really nice set of friends who also have parents who don't allow them out alone so the nagging isn't too much or me but I do want them to have that sence of freedom as i think it teaches them a fair bit of invaluable life lessons.
It's a tough one, isn't it? I remember being allowed to go out on my bike, or walk up to the small park with friends. It felt like we had so much freedom and it was great fun. It's so different nowadays, and I agree that it is down to the media. Parents are scared to let their kids out of their sight in case something bad happens. I think kids of a certain age do need to have a bit of freedom, but we need to make sure they know the "rules". One good thing about children having mobile phones is that they can phone their parents while they are out and about, and vice versa. I can see me being one of those incredibly annoying mums who phones her teenagers every 10 minutes!
ReplyDeletethis is a hard one...We live in London so there would be no chance of them roaming the streets around here, but in your shoes, I am not sure what I would do. I suppose the 8 year old deserves different rules than his younger sibling as he is older, so maybe he should have some freedom come summer...whatever you do, good luck x
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