I have four beautiful children. I am very lucky and my life is certainly full enough as a result of having them.
After A and a fourth Caesarean section, we were told in no uncertain terms that there were to be no more additions to our little family. We talked about it. I was shattered and was adamant that there would be no more.
Eighteen months later, I had a twitch, an urge. Maybe there was a way round it, I knew that medically it was a risk, but maybe it would be worth it. Like most ideas though, when I thought about it in the cold light of day, I knew that it would never happen and financially it would be a disaster too.
So I put that idea in the 'no way' box and buried it away.
That's where it has stayed until now.
That's where it has stayed until now.
One of the mums at school has just had a baby. A beautiful baby boy. I have seen them a couple of times a and then in family assembly on Friday, that urge came back. Swiftly followed by the reminder that it was a 'no way'. I felt quite overwhelmed. Even more ridiculously, I had tears in my eyes. Actual real tears. What was the matter with me?
As I drove home, watching A in the rear view mirror, I felt quite sad and spent a lot of the day thinking about babies and whether there was room for one more little person in our family. Of course there would be, however crowded it would be, however tight things would be financially, we would manage. Then the thoughts of the sleepless nights, the nappies, the teething, the pregnancy all came back with the stern words from the consultant that I was not to risk having any more babies just after I had A rang in my ears. Car seats, pushchairs, changing bags, high chairs. Life is so much simpler now that they are all a bit older.
I have no doubt that looking at how grown up A is now and the prospect of her starting school this year fueled my sudden urge to have another one, but I also have to be realistic. So once again I put the idea of having another baby away.
I do love babies and as my husband so lovingly pointed out to me later on when I was telling him about my hours of broody madness, now that O is rapidly heading into adulthood, I might be a grandmother soon. Indeed and thank you for that heart-warming thought.
So no more babies in this house, but I still have four 'babies' to keep me busy and at least I know that I can always have a quick cuddle fix with the baby at school if need be, knowing that I can hand him back and go home and have a good night's sleep. Well for most of the night at least anyway.
As I drove home, watching A in the rear view mirror, I felt quite sad and spent a lot of the day thinking about babies and whether there was room for one more little person in our family. Of course there would be, however crowded it would be, however tight things would be financially, we would manage. Then the thoughts of the sleepless nights, the nappies, the teething, the pregnancy all came back with the stern words from the consultant that I was not to risk having any more babies just after I had A rang in my ears. Car seats, pushchairs, changing bags, high chairs. Life is so much simpler now that they are all a bit older.
I have no doubt that looking at how grown up A is now and the prospect of her starting school this year fueled my sudden urge to have another one, but I also have to be realistic. So once again I put the idea of having another baby away.
I do love babies and as my husband so lovingly pointed out to me later on when I was telling him about my hours of broody madness, now that O is rapidly heading into adulthood, I might be a grandmother soon. Indeed and thank you for that heart-warming thought.
So no more babies in this house, but I still have four 'babies' to keep me busy and at least I know that I can always have a quick cuddle fix with the baby at school if need be, knowing that I can hand him back and go home and have a good night's sleep. Well for most of the night at least anyway.
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| One of my 'babies' but can you guess which one? |
Love this post and feel your pain. I always wanted three, but as soon as my daughter turned 1, I knew I wanted another one. I also knew my husband had said absolutely no more babies. I don't get the urge as often now, but it was with me for a long time. I think I'll always regret not having another.
ReplyDeleteIs that L?
I have two and that's enough for me. After quite a tough time after giving birth to Little Prince the hubby and I decided there were to be no more babies. I don't get that urge - I remember the nappies and sleepless nights all too well. I think that's L too?
ReplyDeleteI have wanted another baby for so long....I'm able to have more but after both my girls have had heart problems resulting in open heart surgery the doctors have told us that if we have another girl the chances are that she would have heart problems too...We cannot bring ourselves to go through that stress and heartache again....I just make do with cuddling other peoples babies....hehehe
ReplyDeleteOoh I love babies too but I know that I could not cope with any more than 3 children. In order to stop the temptation of holding another baby in my arms, I sent the OH off for the snip - done and dusted and now it's not even an option! Sometimes the hard way is the only way. Would he think about it? Alternatively, you can borrow your friend's baby when you feel the urge. That's what I do!
ReplyDeleteAhh is that little Miss A? I would love love love just one more but I think I will still have a big broody twinge after that. It's like closing the door on babyhood isn't it? All the tiny baby cuddles and newness. I'm not sure the pangs of wanting another ever really go away!
ReplyDeleteI am feeling a bit the same at the moment, probably triggered by Syds imminent start at pre-school. Thankfully I sent other half off for the snip when I was still in the 'that's it, no more' phase after Syd was born, so I know there won't be any more, really I know I don't want another one, but babies are so damn cute!!
ReplyDelete