PMT

I tried to think long and hard about a witty and amusing title for this post, but I couldn't. So I am telling it how it is. And why can't I think of anything witty and amusing? Because it is that time of the month when the whole house starts to quiver in fear.

I have never been great at this time of the month but it is only as I have got older, generally more stressed out and maybe a little wiser, that I have seen a definite pattern in my mood swings.

I can divide my period of pre-menstrual tension into two phases:

1. The first warning sign of approaching PMT is food. I can look in our chocolate and sweet cupboard and not want anything at all. Chocolate does nothing for me when I'm premenstrual, it has to be carbohydrate laden or something cheesy; preferably both! During this phase, which lasts for a day or so, I am in a relatively good mood, however I probably eat my own weight in a variety of crisp products.  Also, for some bizarre reason, I go off tea. This might not sound like such a big deal, but I drink at least twenty cups of tea a day, but for about two days a month, it tastes horrible. Without her caffeine fix, mummy is not a happy bunny!

2.  Then comes the general feeling of doom and irritability.  This lasts for a couple of days and generally reaches an almighty crescendo just before the big "P" starts.  I lose all sight of rationality and sometimes have to sit in a darkened room for short periods as I know that when the kids are telling me that I'm not being fair, they are right.  The most ridiculous things make me cry, comments that my children or other people make that usually bounce off my very thick skin, reduce me to a simpering wreck.  And God forbid that someone should start crying on the TV, I am beside myself with grief!  I also get a horrific headache caused by a combination of bad temper, raging hormones and lack of caffeine, I suspect, but nonetheless, it does not really help with proceedings.

My husband often marvels at my understanding of my body and its menstrual cycle.  However, I have been living with it for some years now, so it's not that surprising really.  Also, when my hubby and I wanted our first child together, things didn't seem to be happening for a while.  A friend suggested using a Persona.  I don't know if anyone else has ever used this little device.  It was meant tobe used for contraception.  Basically, you lovingly peed on a stick on certain key days and stuck them into a little hole in this machine and after a month or so, it gave you a green or a red  light.  As a contraceptive device, green meant get on with it and red meant go and take a cold shower.  It amused us greatly to be honest, but we used it in reverse, so red days were our 'action' days.  A few months later, it worked and I was pregnant at last, but by using this device, I became very in tune with my body and now I know when I'm ovulating, in the unlikely event that I should need to use that information again!

Thankfully, my pre-monstrous tension only lasts about three or four days.  I understand that it is not a time to make big decisions or to have serious conversations and my husband sees the warning signs and avoids me if at all possible.  When I was discussing it with a friend the other day, she said that I will probably be even worse through the menopause!  Well there's something to look forward to then!  When I do finally come on, the whole house sighs in collective relief and I do to.  Suddenly, the clouds part and normal cheerful service is resumed.  The joys of being a woman.